just tell him i said nine months
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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