So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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