ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
