Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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