Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I smell like Dick and happiness
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