I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
