There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
