direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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