she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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