did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
