My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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