I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
