it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
