She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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