I'm lost and stupid without you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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