I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
