i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
