Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
