just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
