she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well you can't waste a boner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
