Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
