If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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