Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
