dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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