i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
