I'm so fucking centered right now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
