Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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