is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
