I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
