A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
