since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
