I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
