he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
