Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i now understand why vodka
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
