Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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