Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
