You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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