at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
