My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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