I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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