I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
