I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
