mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
