Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
