Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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