Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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