i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
