Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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