I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
