I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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