Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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