I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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