i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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