i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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