it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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