What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
